A Pause to Reflect: Nourishment, Care, and Community Service

Can you imagine confronting your fears and exploring life through an entirely new lens? We're doing exactly that and we're inviting you, our cherished listeners, to join us. Taking the plunge after two non-stop years, we're hitting pause to recalibrate and evaluate where we're headed next with the podcast. We're giving a big shout-out to our wonderful guest co-host, Carol, and each one of you who've been with us on this journey. While we take this breather, remember there's always a spot reserved for you at our table. During this hiatus, we're engrossed in 'Love People, Use Things' by the Minimalists, a book that’s pushing us out of our comfort zones and into exciting territory as we learn to trust ourselves more.

The transformation continues as we navigate through the realms of self-reflection and boundary-setting. We're diving into a healthier relationship with food and exercise, deciphering how they can serve as tools of nourishment and self-care, rather than punishment. We're casting the spotlight on gift-giving rules, the pressure of success, and the ensuing anxiety. But it's not all about us; we're talking about giving back and bolstering local causes to bolster thriving ecosystems. We’re also carving out time for self-care, body-nourishment, and unlocking our full potential with the help of Free Time Solutions. Get ready to embark on this reflective journey with us as we explore these concepts together. So, ears open, hearts ready, and let's dive right in.

Transcript

Heather Ross: 0:01

Welcome to At the Table when we are connecting entrepreneurs, discovering missions and building communities with purpose Body, soul, mind and Business. With Charlie and Heather, with Free Time Solutions.

Charlie Hoffman: 0:18

Good morning and welcome to the table. I'm Charlie, I'm Heather and Happy Monday. Happy Monday. We got some big news today. Lots of big things happening, good things, unknown things, life, life. Happening life, life happening. If you have been hanging out with us for the last two years years almost to the day Pretty amazing, pretty amazing. It's been an epic journey and I can't wait to see where it takes us.

Heather Ross: 0:58

And we haven't taken a break in these two years.

Charlie Hoffman: 1:01

No, we haven't taken a break. We haven't had time to sit back and evaluate what everything means and where we really want it to go. There's a shift happening. With the Women in Leadership and the At the Table podcast. There's a little bit of a shift happening, and then there's also a lot of life happening too, so we are going to take the entire quarter off.

Heather Ross: 1:29

So this will be your last actual podcast of the year from us. So just so you know we're not going anywhere.

Charlie Hoffman: 1:40

We had everything planned for the rest of the year up until the beginning of last week. Yes, and things have changed and shifted, so with that we have to change in shift.

Heather Ross: 1:53

Six weeks worth of work in a three-day time period. Things happen really fast right now and there's this period of evaluation and where do we want to go with the podcast? And we don't have the answers to all of those questions right this second. We know that we love this space and we love you and we love being here and doing this, and what does that look like going forward?

Charlie Hoffman: 2:22

Right. So it's time for us to take a little bit of a breath when it comes to podcast life. So this, yeah, this is your last podcast for a little bit, huge shout out to Carol for being a guest co-host this last quarter.

Heather Ross: 2:39

That was so fabulous.

Charlie Hoffman: 2:40

It was.

Heather Ross: 2:41

Really enjoyed getting to know you better, Carol, and you were so great on the podcast. Yeah, I really. I hope you all enjoyed your time Right.

Charlie Hoffman: 2:49

Yeah, yeah. So, and you know we love and appreciate everyone that comes into our world through the At the Table podcast, because we do honestly feel like everybody deserves a seat at the table, and that includes you. Yeah, you know we work hard, we play hard. Sometimes we forget to play because we're working so hard, sometimes the work is play, and we're happy to share all that with you and thank you for sharing your lives and your hearts with us.

Heather Ross: 3:26

That being said, we are still reading books, we're still growing, we're still doing our things that we've been doing and let me tell you, this book is kicking our butts.

Charlie Hoffman: 3:39

Yes, so all the work we've done up until now has led us to this point right, and that's kind of been my theme for the last month, like everything I've done up until now has led me to now. So love people, use things by the minimalists, because the opposite never works. It is totally kicking our metaphorical butts here and the physical butts and it's really put things into perspective for us both in a huge way, right.

Heather Ross: 4:13

It's having a profound shift in our relationships with ourselves, right? And then what that brings up has been a lot of tears, y'all.

Charlie Hoffman: 4:26

Right, we already got the tissues at home.

Heather Ross: 4:28

We're ready, just really taking a look at our lives from a different perspective and looking at them differently and seeing them in a different way a different perspective.

Charlie Hoffman: 4:46

It's like seeing it so clearly in the truth of what it is, not in what we want it to be. Right, it's a different lens, yeah, and it can be scary, super scary. It could be heartbreaking, yes.

Heather Ross: 5:06

Right, right, just realizing that you have this experience and we talk about this a lot, about how our experiences are unique to us, where we are and then adding the perspective of okay, if I was to look at that from up here and not where I was, what could other people see, right? That I couldn't see because I was in the box Right and seeing the situations that I've allowed myself to be in so that I could be who I am today and have this experience of really knowing myself.

Charlie Hoffman: 5:55

And we wouldn't be the same people if we didn't go through those things Exactly.

Heather Ross: 5:59

Like I, I can't.

Charlie Hoffman: 6:01

Yes.

Heather Ross: 6:02

It's a weird place to be in because it's like this morning for what we thought was and this celebrating what is?

Charlie Hoffman: 6:13

Yeah, yeah, it is a weird place to be.

Heather Ross: 6:15

It's a weird uncomfortable freedom step Right, because if we don't break these stories down, we keep living in that story and then we're continuing that cycle of only accepting the abuse a little less than what we abuse ourselves, and that's very profound.

Charlie Hoffman: 6:46

So this week, this week, we're talking about relationship with self. In case you missed that, okay, there's a quote here. By removing the physical distractions around us, we're able to look inside ourselves and begin the process of mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual spiritual decluttering. That's pretty much some Right.

Heather Ross: 7:10

Yeah, exactly. And then the tears are not bad tears I have had. I've suffered with bad depression in the past and you know it's not that kind of crying. It's almost liberating it is. It's so different, Like, and then when you're done crying you're not like stuck or wallowing in that emotion because you processed it. So it's a very healed place we're at to be doing this level of work. I have to say like this We've worked really hard to get here.

Charlie Hoffman: 7:52

I'm glad we read all those other books before we got here, right.

Heather Ross: 7:57

And I'm really excited that we love and trust ourselves so that we can make more rapid decisions in our lives. Right, we understand what feels right and what is like no Right.

Charlie Hoffman: 8:13

And that starts with the art of noticing. Okay, we've talked about this before, but by using language, volume, tone, inflection, physical gestures and facial expressions, we're able to change our internal state, to help us notice and appreciate the present moment, even with its naked imperfections. Boom, that's exactly what we were talking about is we're able to see things in a different way, that we're now outside of the box, looking in Right, not stuck in the box, and we can't see?

Heather Ross: 8:53

And yeah, yeah, and sometimes that's very eye-opening for ourselves, right? Yeah, we think the box looks differently from the inside.

Charlie Hoffman: 9:03

But when you take a minute and look at things from the outside and you see things for what they really are, it's big. It says. I've abandoned so many moments living in the past or the future, but life is nearly a collection of present moments, and if we forsake the moment, we are forsaking life itself.

Heather Ross: 9:26

And then there's the list of the the scroll browsing, scrolling, emailing, mindless things that you do, right, that are numbing testing, posting, tweeting, updating, replying, replaying, responding Okay, ruminating, worrying, fretting, brooding, analyzing, stressing and agonizing.

Charlie Hoffman: 9:50

Today we have more ways than ever to distract ourselves. We distract ourselves from the truth, from our knowing Right.

Heather Ross: 10:04

Change the subject. I'm really good at that one Right. Super, super skilled at that Right.

Charlie Hoffman: 10:12

We distract ourselves with all these things all the time and society tells us that that's what you're supposed to do. Right, it's distract yourself. You're supposed to browse and scroll and email and text and post and tweet and update and reply and replay and respond. Society tells you, if you're not doing that, you need to be ruminating, worrying, fretting, brooding, stressing and agonizing over your life.

Heather Ross: 10:37

Rude Sounds awful. Sounds like an awful place to be.

Charlie Hoffman: 10:44

So you know, we've talked about practicing being in the now, right, really being present, hauses and enemies of being here. Who gets bored? I know I get bored sometimes. Right, boredom is lethal. Boredom says there's nothing interesting about it. Boredom reveals what we believe about the kind of world we're living in. Boredom is lethal because it reflects a static, fixed view of the world, a world that is finished.

Heather Ross: 11:14

So I boredom is so scary, right, our kids tell us all the time that they're bored or they're bored or they're bored.

Charlie Hoffman: 11:26

Right. Our kids tell us all the time that they're bored or they're distracted all the time From life.

Heather Ross: 11:37

They never get to a point of boredom.

Charlie Hoffman: 11:40

Sinus is slightly different from boredom. Just as lethal Sinus says there's nothing new to make here. Often cynicism presents itself as wisdom, but it usually comes from a wound. Often this is because the cynic did try something new at some point and it went belly up. He was booed off the stage and that pain causes him to critique and ridicule, because there aren't any risks in doing that. If you hold something at a distance and make fun of it, then it can't hurt you, right? That's where bullying and all that stuff comes from. And then there's despair. While boredom can be fairly subtle and cynicism can appear quite intelligent and even funny, despair is like a dull thud in the heart. Despair says nothing that we make matters. Despair reflects a pervasive dread that it's all pointless and that we are in the end, simply wasting our time.

Heather Ross: 12:51

So some deep breaths here. Does that hurt my heart? Right, let's know where we want to be Right. But that's that impeccable with our word to ourselves. We were talking about that the other day about are they lying to themselves? Is that what's going on in that situation, like they can't see it? And then how? How do you?

Charlie Hoffman: 13:19

respond to that. Yeah, come on, you can ask yourself the same questions to. Am I lying to myself?

Heather Ross: 13:25

And then that's a scary question. That is a very scary question to ask yourself, and sometimes you have to be quiet so you can hear the quiet, soft things that need to be said. I like that the book talks about going into a stewardship of self, so really being aware of what you need and what you're like. Are you? Are you being sin? Are you being in that energy, being in cynicism? Are you being in the?

Charlie Hoffman: 13:59

radical responsibility being responsible for yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness, you're responsible for your own joy, you're responsible for your own life.

Heather Ross: 14:10

And then who? Who are you putting your happiness like? Who are you giving that happiness power away to Like, and how can you take it back? Wait, how can you fill your cup so that you are serving from overflow and not being overwhelmed Like it's all the it's all the pieces?

Charlie Hoffman: 14:32

Yeah, and we've talked a lot about giving your happiness away, right, you know, and we used that story a while back, the metaphorical story of the guy who gives his girlfriend a star. That star represented his happiness. She eventually, you know, put it down. Gosh, yeah, dropped it and broke it right, because nobody else is going to be as.

Heather Ross: 15:04

Nobody else can take care of your star the way you can.

Charlie Hoffman: 15:07

Yeah, yep, exactly, kind of like, you know, as a parent, it's like nobody else can take care of my kids the way I do. Right, right, nobody's going to love my kids as much as I do because I'm their mom. Right, they're from our stars. Uh-huh Talks about letting go as medicine, using food as medicine.

Heather Ross: 15:31

I really like the way of using the food in this was like not like what I've been kind of looking for, like by not being into the diet culture, but like what should I just be doing? Like what's a good healthy way to be with food.

Charlie Hoffman: 15:53

I like that they really talk about asking yourself those hard questions Like I want to eat this because it makes me feel good or because I want to punish myself.

Heather Ross: 16:10

And what are you? And what is the punishment doing? Uh-huh, is it numbing? Is it? Are you? And then is there, and then, taking it one step further, is there something else I could do that could do that activity and actually fulfill me? It doesn't need to be food. Right, because food is nourishment and we shouldn't overeat, we shouldn't under eat, right.

Charlie Hoffman: 16:34

Right and you know, balancing treats and things like that, like not using it as a punishment or a reward because it's not, it's food. I realize that I do this next one to myself all the time and I have been working on it Exercise as medicine. I have been using or not using exercise as punishment for myself.

Heather Ross: 17:05

Do you want to unpack that a little bit, because that sounds really scary? Yeah, like are you out there with the barbells, like beating yourself?

Charlie Hoffman: 17:11

No, no, no, so I know, that a certain amount of movement each day makes me feel good too much, or stressing myself about out, about working out or not working on how much I do, and all this other stuff and numbers on the scale. That is one way of punishing myself. The other way I have punished myself using exercise is to not do it at all because I don't deserve to feel good about myself.

Heather Ross: 17:51

Hi, we don't feel we don't deserve to feel good, so we actually don't do the thing that we know makes us feel good.

Charlie Hoffman: 17:59

Yeah, we will actively avoid it. So when I unpacked that myself, like I have a treadmill in the middle of my bedroom but and I want to use it, but I haven't been using it because I have not felt like I was worth the effort but into myself, right, so it's just been sitting there. It hasn't turned into a closet. You know there there might be a laundry basket up next to it to say it. Well, it's in the middle of the room. Yeah, so this is part of the unpacking that.

Charlie Hoffman: 18:44

I did last week Super fun. I really like that these gift getting and gift giving rules in this chapter here. I definitely recommend you pick yourself up a copy of this book, because I have all kinds of things highlighted in here that we just don't have time to go over.

Heather Ross: 19:02

But and they tell you, if you're not writing in this book and highlighting, you're doing it wrong.

Charlie Hoffman: 19:08

I have Highlights and notes.

Heather Ross: 19:10

It's very interactive, very good.

Charlie Hoffman: 19:13

Yeah, and each chapter is probably about 40 pages, so which is a?

Heather Ross: 19:18

lot to absorb in a week. You guys have to tell you.

Charlie Hoffman: 19:26

Just like excess stuff in our lives. Our health problems don't go away when ignored. The clutter and the dis ease mount with each year that passes. I remember we talked about disease and dis ease when we read Lewis Hank. Something else I highlighted here Nothing stresses like success. Wanting success, getting success, re taining success. These are the building blocks of stress and anxiety. Here's, here's, things that we do to ourselves consume more, regard everything as precious, refuse to let go, channel, serve, peruse social media and habit the email inbox. Focus on productivity, compare achievements year and for things for sake, sleep for go exercise, hold grudges, expand the to do list, hurry, take on debt, spend more, save less, say yes to everything.

Heather Ross: 20:32

So so much good stuff, creating that freedom, life and the life with ease All of those things go against that, yeah. So if you're feeling like, hey, maybe I just need to take a break, maybe you should just maybe listen to that right, like, yeah, hearing your inner voice, it will tell you.

Charlie Hoffman: 20:56

I feel like this sums up today's podcast really well. We have to be willing to let go so we can make space for a new way of being.

Heather Ross: 21:11

That's what we're doing.

Charlie Hoffman: 21:15

We're going to let go a little bit. We're going to take a break, take a few breaths and yeah on the flip side. That will.

Heather Ross: 21:33

As entrepreneurs, we have a unique opportunity to make a positive impact in the world around us. In a time when the world is shifting towards supporting local businesses and embracing community-driven initiatives, it becomes even more important for us to give where our heart leads us At the table. We believe in the power of giving back and that's why we have our cause of the quarter. This quarter, we are proud to support Perfect Pals, a local organization dedicated to rescuing and providing care for stray cats in our community. By supporting local causes like Perfect Pals, we not only make a difference in the lives of those in need, but we also contribute to the growth and well-being of our local community. We believe in small acts of kindness, and they can create a ripple effect of positivity, inspiring others to do the same. As we shift our focus solely from supporting large corporations to championing local businesses and giving back, we not only strengthen our community, but we also foster a sense of connection and unity. Together, we can create a thriving ecosystem where everyone can flourish. So let's follow our hearts and give where it truly matters. Join in supporting Perfect Pals and making a difference in the lives of these furry companions. Together, we can make our community a better place, one act of kindness at a time. Thank you for being part of our journey and for embracing the spirit of giving. Together, let's create a brighter future for all.

Heather Ross: 23:20

Are you tired of juggling endless tasks, struggling to find time for what truly matters? We have the solution for you Introducing Free Time Solutions, your ultimate partner in reclaiming your time and maximizing your potential. At Free Time Solutions, we specialize in helping businesses like yours thrive in a digital world. From social media management to website optimization and branding, we have the expertise to elevate your online presence and streamline your operations. Imagine having time to focus on what you love to do, what we take care of your business With our dedicated team of experts and innovative solutions. We leave you free to pursue your passions and achieve your goals.

Heather Ross: 24:10

Whether you are a small business owner, entrepreneur, freelancer, we offer comprehensive services tailored to your needs. Our goal is simple to give you back time freedom to do what you do best, while we handle the rest. So join us at the table and let Free Time Solutions empower you to take control of your time and unlock your full potential. Visit our website at wwwyourfreetimebackcom that's wwwyourfreetimebackcom to learn more and schedule your consultation today. Free Time Solutions your partner in success. Let's make the most of your free time together. Thank you for joining us at the table. Stay tuned for weekly readings on Sunday mindset Monday discussing our weekly readings on Monday and on Friday, our interview and, potentially guest host. Stay tuned.

Charlie Hoffman: 25:17

Thank you for joining in on the fun. Be sure to like and subscribe for more.